Are you raising your kids the same way you were raised?
I don’t think many people decide how to raise their children before they’re actually born.
I’m sure everyone will have their idea’s, aspirations and dreams of what they want for their children, but until they’re born and maybe not even until they’re a few years old the thought of how to raise your children may not enter your mind.
The first few weeks and months are all about survival.
Making sure your baby is fed and that they sleep.
In addition to this making sure that you’re fed and that you get to sleep too!
Just when you think you’ve figured it out – BAM! – teething strikes!
I was brought up in quite a strict way. My parents might not see it that way, but that’s my overall opinion!
That’s not to say that my upbringing was bad. Far from it in fact!
I remember writing birthday and Christmas lists with the latest toy craze on and from memory I always got what I wanted.
I wasn’t spoilt though.
I was taught the value of money and although at times I may have begged my parents mercilessly for some money to go out or to buy something, I’m very thankful that I was taught well about money.
I was given pocket money each week. Around £5 I think and I knew that if I wanted something or if I wanted to go somewhere, I would have to save up my pocket money each week.
It gave me a sense of accomplishment when I’d managed to save up enough money to buy what I wanted.
When my children are older this is the approach that I’ll take with money.
I want them to understand how to save money and that you don’t just get it when you ask for it. Although this is something I’ll probably have to work on when it comes to buying them things as I’m quite soft at the moment and buy them far too many toys!
When it comes to friends and going out, I was never allowed to sleep over anyone’s house. I always felt left out. All my friends would be out at parties and I’d be sat at home.
In a way I can understand why I was never allowed sleep overs. I tend to think of myself as a very protective parent – as most parents I imagine are.
I dread the thought of my girls starting school for fear of them being bullied, feeling lonely or being left out. I want to protect them from harm, but I know when the time comes I have to let go and let them learn for themselves.
I think I’d let my children have sleep overs though, but I would call their friends parents to make sure that they’re staying there and not camping in a field somewhere!
Wait a minute!
I’ve just re-read that and now I sound as though I don’t trust my children! Checking up on them!
That’s not what I want!
You see. Parenting is hard sometimes!
How do I show my children that I trust them without checking up on them, but also ensuring that they’re safe at the same time?
I guess it’s all about balance. I’ll have to learn as I go and deal with it when the time comes!
I kind of feel like I was brought up living a giant bubble.
Always told what I can and can’t do.
Where I can and can’t go.
Who I can and can’t see.
I don’t want that for my children.
I want to give them the freedom to make their own decisions, to be independent and to learn from their mistakes, but there would have to be some guidelines.
I hate the word rules.
It implies that something is fixed in stone. Not flexible and that a punishment would be inflicted if the rules are broken.
I was never allowed out late. I would always have a curfew and inevitably this meant that I would always be the first to retreat home in a sulk because I wanted to stay out longer.
I’m not saying that I wouldn’t give my girls a curfew, but I like to think it would be fairly in line with their friends curfews and of course it would depend on their age.
I hope that I’ll give my children advice, but not tell them what to do. Instead leaving any decisions up to them.
I think that way they can learn from their own mistakes.
When it comes to boyfriends, I have a fairly straight forward attitude toward this.
Stay out of it – unless they’re in danger of being harmed in any way or doing something illegal!
My parents always interfered in my relationships.
I even remember one time I was made to end a relationship with a boy because my parents didn’t like him.
I might not like who my children decide to date, but I won’t interfere in their relationships. If I go wading in with my opinion, it’ll probably push them together even more!
I realise I’ve covered quite a lot of topics in this post today, but it’s given me a better understanding of the type of parent that I want to be.
I would say that I want to be best friends with my children, but I’d rather be a role model and someone that they feel comfortable talking to about anything.
Someone they’ll turn to when they need help, advice or just a hug.
Are you raising your kids the same way you were raised?
6 Comments
Catriona Stephen
August 21, 2014 at 8:06 am
I really agree with the things you are saying, I find myself not knowing the right balance with things either.
I always thought my parents were strict but looking back now they weren't too bad, they just cared about me, and my mum was a bit of a worrier. I think I will do a few things differently, but like you I was taught the value of money, and that is one big thing I want to teach Osian xx
Lucinda Turner
August 22, 2014 at 7:41 am
I was taught about money in a similar way but still managed to get myself into debt with a loan and credit cards, I really don't want that for my son. Along with a group of friends we told our parents lies about where we were staying when we were teenagers. There was no way they would've let us stay where we were going if they knew and quite rightly!
My mum also interfered I my first relationship which changed our relationship completely, thankfully we are close again but I know I don't want to interfere in my children's relationships x
Louisa
August 22, 2014 at 5:12 pm
I think I was raised in a firm but fair way and hope I will do the same with my children. It will be hard to step back and not interfere when my girls are into boys. I hope I can do that but suspect I will be a pest! #binkylinky
emma lander
August 22, 2014 at 7:26 pm
it is hard. I don't care though, I will be a stalking mother-sleuth haha my mum was/still is and it hasn't done me any harm;) #BinkyLinky
Heledd in Lavender
August 22, 2014 at 9:52 pm
I was nodding along with all your points. Being a parent is so tough, wanting to protect them from everything.
My parents were always really relaxed with us (my brother and I) but unfortunately I just don't have that in me. I worry about everything, when it comes to my girls – and it seems to be getting worse as they get older!
Heledd
http://www.runninginlavender.com
Loving life with little ones
August 24, 2014 at 10:05 pm
I am raising my children in a fairly similar way to the way I was raised but there are a couple of things we are doing quite differently. I really want to protect my girls but at the same time allow them to learn and have the freedom they need. Being a parent is tough and I'm sure we are all muddling along taking each stage as it comes, my eldest starts school next week and I am really worried about her, she however can't wait!