The Perfect Family

July 21, 2013
My mum with her mum

I don’t know if it’s just me reaching a certain point in my life or if it’s just me being too sentimental, thoughtful, sensitive even, but I have found myself doing a lot of thinking lately. Actually, I’m not even sure if ‘thinking’ is the correct word to use. Reflection? Pondering? Who knows?


Life isn’t perfect, yet, I feel I have grown up in a perfect world. A bubble if you like. Yes, a big, fat, cushiony, soft, padded bubble. Does that even make sense? Am I babbling too much? Probably, but I need to get this out there. I have to write it down. I feel like I have to get it out of my head, my mind, so that I can start to make sense of it all.

I guess I’m wondering who I am. Where have I come from? Has everything I’ve ever thought and been told been a lie? Does everything I believe in stand for nothing anymore?

Growng up I always thought I had the perfect family life. A mum, a dad, two little girls. Am I trying to recreate that? I’m a mum, I have two little girls with Twin Daddy. I’ve moved back to the village where I grew up because I want our children to grow up where I grew up. I want them to go the same school I went to. Hell, I even want to live in the same bloody house I grew up in with them! I know this last one is impossible because it’s way, way, way out of our price range and of course another family are creating their memories there now, but what does it all mean? Am I being a little creepy?

Was it a lie?

We would see my mum’s parents every Sunday. They would come to visit us. Take us to the park or swimming. We’d see my dad’s parents less often, but that didn’t mean we thought any less of them. We’d always see them at Christmas and birthdays. We’d all sit in our dining room together, eating a delicious Christmas dinner that my mum had lovingly cooked. I remember she would make her Christmas cake months in advance. It would sit in a box in the utility room until it was ready to be eaten.

Life was good. My mum and dad were like best friends. They both worked, but their spare time was always spent with my sister and I. Mum would take us shopping for new clothes. Dad could always be found in the garden. He loved gardening. Or maybe it was just a place where he could be alone with his thoughts? We went on a family holiday every year and it was always abroad. I only ever remember seeing my parents shout at each other once. I can’t remember what it was about. I do remember my dad walking out. It was most unlike him. He slammed the door and was gone for a good few hours.

My mum


Anyway. I feel like when my mum passed away, everything changed. Everything fell apart and it hasn’t been the same since. She fought ovarian cancer for quite some time until it overcame her in 2005. I was 18. 

I’ve learnt a lot of things about my family over the last few years. Things I was oblivious to as a child. In my bubble of protection, everything was wonderful. A haven of peace and serenity.

Mum stopped talking to her dad. I can’t remember the year but I think I was between the ages of 14 and 16. She never saw her dad again. He didn’t come to the funeral. He’s in a care home now from what I hear. Isn’t it sad that my sister and I stopped seeing him because my mum and dad fell out with him?

We did go to visit him once a few years back. We’d heard he was in hospital. On his last legs. My sister and I checked beforehand with the hospital staff if he wanted to see us. We didn’t want to turn up unannounced in case he wasn’t interested. He looked the same as the last time I saw him. Just a little older. A little more rough and rugged around the edges. I don’t know why we went to visit him. We haven’t seen him since. Life just somehow gets in the way.

Like my mum I fell out with my dad. I think it was about five years that we didn’t speak to each other. All because I fell in love with a man who was 27 years older than me. He kicked me out when I was 18. I had no money. No belongings, but I did have a wondeful man in my life. A man who I am now married to. I also fell out with my nan and aunty. I still don’t speak to them. I have no desire to. They did and said some things that I can’t forgive them for.

When I did meet my dad again for the first time after those years of silence he was unrecognisable. He was a different person. He still is. I understand the physical changes to some extent, but how did his personality and outlook on life change so dramatically? Is it grief for my mum? Has it affected him in such a way that he doesn’t want to be the person he was when mum was still alive? Did he live a secret life when mum was alive? Did mum know?

It frustrates me greatly that I will never know the truth. I will never have the answers to the questions that I wonder. I will never have closure. At times I find that difficult to deal with.

I think the thing is with families that you are so far in, so involved, that you just become oblivious to certain things. You make assumptions, which of course are totally incorrect. I had always assumed my mums parents grew up in a traditonal family life much like mine. I also assumed they were from Wales. Two things I completely got wrong as I found out this week. Apparantly my mums mum grew up in a childrens home with her brother. What? Wait a minute! That’s something I didn’t know! She had a brother! I feel like I should be on that TV show about families! Anyway, my mums nan was from Birmingham and it is believed that she adopted two children.

Mum having fun on the beach with her mum

I realise this is quite a disjointed post, but as I said I just had to get it out there. I would love to research my family history. Maybe I will one day. I hope I find the time to.

Anyway, all of this has got me wondering about the best way to raise children. Should they be protected from the outside world? Treated as children for as long as possible? I remember still playing with Barbie dolls at the age of 13! Seriously! I know! And yet having said that, that was also the age in which I lost my virginity. How could I be such a child and yet try to be so grown up all at the same time?

Do children need to grow up quicker nowadays? Is that the life we live? I realise now that whilst I was playing with my Barbie dolls my friends were out getting drunk and partying. I didn’t know that. I thought they’d all be doing what I was doing.

I was never allowed to stay over someone’s house overnight. I was never allowed to stay out late. Twin Daddy’s children have had quite the opposite upbringing to which I had. They can stay over whoever’s house they like. They can arrive home pretty much whatever time that want. I’m amazed at times that they live together because they hardly ever seem to know what or where there brother or sisters are. I always knew where my sister was. I still do! I always knew who she was with, where she was and what time she would be home.

I know that I would allow my girls to sleep over a friend’s house, but I also know that I would call the parents of the friend to make sure they were staying there. I will have curfews for our twins, because I want to keep them safe and I hope that I will always know where they are and who they are with. At least until they move out.

I hope that when our girls reach my age (26) that they will look back to their childhood with happy memories, with no doubts over what was real, what was genuine, but just with happy memories of a happy childhood.

Emily

I started Twin Mummy and Daddy in 2012.  

Over time Twin Mummy and Daddy has gone from strength to strength. I write about our family life, my love for running and our passion for adventure and travel.  

We’ve also started living a more eco-friendly life. As such I also write about our zero waste journey in a bid to encourage others to think about the impact they have on the environment.

I’m a keen runner and in April 2019 I ran the London Marathon for an amazing charity called WellChild. It’s one of my biggest achievements to date. I raised over £2,000 for the charity and learnt so much along the way.

This year we’re passionate about spending time outdoors. We’ll be sharing our travel, days out and camping adventures right here on Twin Mummy and Daddy.

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