Why I could never be a stay at home mum
Some people may think badly of me after reading the title to this post, but I assure you that I love my children more than anything in the world and would do anything for them.
I just don’t think I’m cut out to be a stay at home mum!
I absolutely admire anybody, Mum or Dad, who stays at home with their children 24/7.
Being a parent is the toughest job in the world.
Before my children were born I thought that I would want to spend all my time with my children and that I would never want to be apart from them.
I dreaded the thought of going back to work.
However, after a year of maternity leave I was ready to return to work!
Not because I didn’t enjoy spending time with my children because I do.
Of course I do!
I just needed a break!
Somewhere I could go for a little while and indulge in adult conversation.
Somewhere I could go and eat a chocolate bar in peace!
Somewhere I could go and use the toilet without an audience!
I do dread the thought of leaving my children at nursery or school. With strangers.
We’re lucky at the moment that my husband looks after our girls one day a week and my dad the other day. It means we don’t have to pay for childcare and it also means that I don’t have to leave them with strangers.
They get looked after in our own home by people they know. People I trust.
I think silly things sometimes though. Like when they start nursery or school and I drop them off, will they think I’m abandoning them?
Will they know that I’m not leaving them forever and that I’ll be back later that day to pick them up?
I know it’s irrational, but I can’t help it!
The thought of someone else, a stranger, looking after them worries me.
What if they fall or get upset and I’m not there? What if no-one can console them?
I’m sure when the time comes, they’ll be fine, but until then I can’t help but think these things!
I do wonder how single parents and stay at home Mums and Dads cope at times. It’s hard at the best times even when you have someone to share the load.
I can understand why some people do decide to become stay at home parents. If for example their parents were stay at home parents this may influence their decision to do the same thing.
I always remember both of my parents working and I think this is one of the reasons (as well as not being able to afford to be a stay at home parent) why I want my children to see me working.
I think even if my husband and I could afford to stay at home with our children, we would still chose to work.
I know some people don’t have a choice what with the rising cost of childcare, but I think I would go insane if I was a stay at home Mum!
Are you a stay at home Mum or Dad? Do you ever get a break?! Do you miss work?
23 Comments
Beth Twinderelmo
July 16, 2014 at 6:28 am
I went back after having my son & have to admit I felt guilty missing out on so much but I finished my degree whilst working so felt a real sense of achievement. He also went to my Mom so childcare was never an issue and he loved it
This time round with the girls my mom sadly became ill and unable to care for them and the financial side outweighed everything so I took voluntary redundancy. It is hard. Very hard being at home but so far I'm really enjoying it (they're only 13 months though!)
There's guilt and envy being a working mom and a SAHM – we always think the grass is greener!
Beautwins B
July 16, 2014 at 7:28 am
I'm sorry to hear about your mum. Hope she is ok now. Yes financially it's just too much and I'd rather be here with them. It's not like I'm a lawyer or doctor that needs to keep in with the profession. What was your degree on!? I'd love to study. Again it'll come in time. I definitley couldn't go back to PAYE work.
Beth Twinderelmo
July 18, 2014 at 6:34 am
I'd love to say she was but she sadly passed away at the end of April xx
It was a housing degree – I worked in social housing so did my degree alongside my job. I'll always have that if I decide to go back but really can't until they're at least at nursery if not school xx
Beautwins Blog
July 18, 2014 at 7:27 am
I am so so sorry lovely. That must be so tough. Lots of hugs.
I'd love to do a degree, too many things going on as it is. Well done though, you must feel amazing for doing it. Xx
Beautwins B
July 16, 2014 at 6:32 am
Great honest post and you touched upon concerns I have too about childcare. I'm a SAHM on my own as OH lives and works away. So I don't get a break at all. Although there's light at the end of the tunnel. My mum who works in London is retiring early and will work from home 3 days a week after taking a 3 month break. Plus my OH is leaving his job and coming home! I must admit being able to manage my start up business' will be much easier. I love our darling girls so much but a break is needed to keep you sane. It's great you have a lovely work life balance. Mine is yet to come but it will. X
Toni
July 16, 2014 at 9:56 am
I've just extended my maternity leave another year because my daughter has allergies and I dont trust strangers to manage them properly.
Ellie Caldwell
July 16, 2014 at 10:29 am
I went back to work when my daughter was 9 months old, I actually looked forward to returning. I know that sounds awful but Its only a part time job and i think that it helps to keep me sane. Like you when i'm in work C is with her dad, or her at least one of grandparents, she isn't with strangers she is safe with family.
She does cry when I drop her off at her nan's sometimes and I feel guilty but I know she will be fine after a few minutes.
I think SAHM/SAHD are alot braver than those who work. xxx
Catriona Stephen
July 16, 2014 at 12:45 pm
Aww I love the photo of you and your girls 🙂 I'm going to uni full time in September and I'm really wishing I could go back part time but they only do my course as a full time one 🙁 xx
mummyofboygirltwins
July 16, 2014 at 7:31 pm
Ahhh bless, thats a lovely picture of you holding them. I stay at home with my twins, I didn't go back to a busy, stressful, senior job in HR. As well as wanting to be at home I didn't think that I could devote my time between my job and my twins. Luckily Hubby has a good job and we have this choice. I have no strong opinion either way; whatever is right for the parents is right for the children. And if you feel as though you want to work then you should absolutely go for it. x x
Beautwins Blog
July 16, 2014 at 8:37 pm
So true 🙂 wise words lovely lady xxx
Alyssa
July 17, 2014 at 8:48 am
I couldn't be a SAHM. Work is myme time. I work part time so its a nice mix . I'm lucky that I have family for childcare who I trust J with as he has allergies
Emily Vaughan
July 18, 2014 at 7:27 am
I'm back at work part time in a couple of weeks. I wish I could stay at home but I think deep down it's really the best of both worlds. I'll get time with Indiana and also some me time, where I can earn my own money! Xx #binkylinky
mel cowlishaw
July 18, 2014 at 7:50 am
I was always career orientated and really miss work, but childcare really does make it a ridiculous decision. Unless you have free childcare or earn megabucks there really is no point. I wouldn't worry too much about nursery and school – you will soon come to cherish those moments to yourself #binkylinky
Louisa
July 18, 2014 at 5:41 pm
I'm a stay at home mom through choice and the fact that the childcare costs would be prohibitive if I worked. This works well for us but my friends all work. I think sometimes we look at each others lives and think "wouldn't it be nice to" but we each have to make our choice based on what's best for us. The grass is never greener on the other side. A lovely, honest post x #binkylinky
Tom IdeasforDads
July 18, 2014 at 7:08 pm
I go to work for a rest and admire anyone that stays at home with their kids :')
#binkylinky
Claire Jacobs
July 19, 2014 at 10:41 pm
I have very similar feelings to you!
I have to work as I am single parent with no help from his dad, but I also like the fact that I do, especially now I am self employed- I want him to grow up seeing that I strive to work hard, in the hopes he will too.
I also love him dearly but find I am much better with him when I Have had a couple of hours away working, as it gives me time to miss him and also just be Claire rather than mum.
the only downside is that I don't get breaks as my childcare is for when I work and when he sleeps I work lol, so my quest for a boyfriend may be impossible at this rate!
Sarah Willox Knott
July 20, 2014 at 6:25 pm
Great post!! I need to find a new job around Christmas time due to moving during pregnancy and I have very mixed feelings about it! I knew I could never be a stay at home mum but now I've done 3 months I'm starting to think it'll be a lot harder to go back than I thought. Always good to have extra pennies and adult time though I guess!xx #binkylinky
Loving life with little ones
July 22, 2014 at 11:00 am
I am a SAHM because childcare for 2 was more than my salary, I have enjoyed the time at home with my children and am glad not to have to go to work and deal with all of that but I do wish I could have a bit more time to myself sometimes, a wee in peace would be nice. If I am ill there is no rest which isn't very nice but I get to see my children grow up and all the little moments which my husband being at work misses out on. #binkylinky
Dave H
July 22, 2014 at 10:09 pm
The missus is due in 5 weeks – as I work from home as a writer and she's the main breadwinner, we're planning on spending her maternity leave together helping and supporting each other to raise the little one. The plan is then for me to be stay at home dad whilst finding a bit of time to do some freelance writing in between nappy changes, feeds and crying. The more I read, the more I'm thinking that it is a good idea in theory but never going to happen in practice! 🙂
Beautwins Blog
July 23, 2014 at 6:49 am
Firstly congratulations! Secondly, love the idea of sharing the load. You'll be absolutely fine, you'll just become even better at multitasking. You'll find ways once you are settled. Sounds like you are a great team already. My OH was gutted to go back work. It's been horrendous but he's coming home soon 🙂 can't wait. Enjoy every moment.
BakedPotatoMummy
July 23, 2014 at 9:13 pm
I always planned on returning to work after I had Potato, but when D took the job in Dubai we decided that I would stay home with Potato, rather than go back to work. I have missed working, but I really consider myself lucky to have been able to have this time with Potato. It is hard not to have any time off, but I'm also really lucky that my Mum lives half an hour away and helps out when I need it.
Thanks for hosting #BinkyLinky xxx
Lottie Lomas
July 24, 2014 at 2:11 pm
I went back to work as soon as I could after no. 1 son, but took a different tack with no. 2; I became a stay at home mum for a couple of years, until itchy feet took me back to work again, albeit very part time. I found it very hard when the kids were very little; it was the fact that you were never really on your own that I found extremely tiring. Sounds like I'm a terrible mother (I probably am!) but now they're bigger (Teen and Tween) life is much, MUCH easier! Thanks for hosting #binkylinky
Martina Pangrazzi
July 24, 2014 at 10:16 pm
I'm a stay at home mum for three and half years but i'd say do what makes you happy and in control. You're a better mum when you're happy and as long as you're close to your children you should never feel guilty about anything that you do for yourself and your family.