Mary’s Donor Egg Journey – The Final Part
Wanting to close this chapter in my life, I thought a good way to do it would be to write the final part of this story, which has taken since 2008 to get to!
I left off last time with the good news on my beta results which indicated twins as the numbers were high.
Scans showed the good news – it was twins! I couldn’t wait to tell everyone, especially my parents that after all the ups and downs over the past few years that I was at last pregnant and that the numbers suggested double trouble! They were absolutely over the moon, Mum was in shock and I thought Dad could potentially have another heart attack!
Pregnancy symptoms were OK actually – apart from a massive craving for Cheddars and Nutella, thats still stuck to my hips now. Nausea came and went, I think in terms of pregnancy symptoms I got off pretty lightly as I didn’t have morning sickness. Insomnia was my biggest challenge and managed to stay with me all throughout the pregnancy, some said it would prepare me for what was to come.
Around 8 weeks, I started to bleed, on one occasion at work (which was horrific) and again in a shop (Mothercare of all places!) and at home – no sooner did the bleeding start than it disappeared again, but it was like a big whoosh of it then nothing. Lots of tears and back and forwards to A&E, they confirmed via a scan that the smaller of the twins had not made it. On the previous scans it was always smaller than the other and when the heartbeats were observed previously it was only slightly flickering and you could hardly see the fetal pole at all.
There followed a very unusual time for me – I felt in my heart of hearts that the other twin wasn’t quite right and that this was natures way, but I also felt terribly guilty and to this day I still feel that. I muddled on putting on a brave face and joking my way out of it. However, the bleeding was so shocking, it took me a long time to get over the experience of this loss, and now I wonder what the other little one would look like. I also felt that my body had let me down again – was it going to lose the other one too…
Colleagues would ask me why I was so depressed – this was around Christmas time – 3 months into my pregnancy – but I really had no idea I was that down and miserable. Followed by a falling out with a very good colleague and friend just about finished me off and Christmas went by quickly, thankfully. There really isn’t any help out there to assist women (or couples) dealing with a miscarriage. It just seems like we all have to get on with it.
The other embryo was still growing stronger and as time went on I felt more confident that it would continue to develop. Midwife appointments came and went, more scans (one of which was mortifying, they couldn’t find a heartbeat, a private scan confirmed all was OK the next day!) and the whole pregnancy seemed to fly by and by the end of May I was ready to start my maternity leave.
A membrane sweep was scheduled in – and the nurse who performed it said that as I was only 1 cm dilated with a high cervix it probably wouldn’t work and to come back in a few days for another one. To note, the membrane sweep was not as painful as I had thought it would be, just a little uncomfortable that’s all.
By 9pm that evening, I started to get pains, at the time I thought it could be Braxton Hicks, these pains kept me awake all night, and by the morning I was up and having a cup of tea feeling a bit better.
My other half went to work, he said he would only be an hour away if anything kicked off, we were both quite confident that I would be OK and nothing to worry about until my waters broke, that was at 9am. By 11am, I was in utter pain, I called my other half who said that the earliest he could get home was 2pm! I really didn’t know what to do, all I kept thinking was to concentrate on my contractions and my tens machines which was relieving some of the pain.
I called the hospital and advised them that my contractions were 40 seconds long and only a couple of minutes apart, but they only wanted me in if the contractions were established at 1 minute in length, and to the point were I was unable to talk. Back I went to bed, shivering hot and cold, at this stage I didn’t know I had an infection too which was causing the shivering, however more on that later.
The pain was getting worse to the point I thought I would faint, and just before 2pm I called the hospital again, contractions were still 40 seconds and still a couple of minutes apart. They asked if my waters had broke, and they hadn’t, I was begging them to let me come to the hospital, I couldn’t bear the pain any more. They said no. All the stress of getting into the hospital was appalling, I wish now I lied to get myself in there at least to get some decent pain relief.
I put the phone down and it was at this point I stood up and the waters shot down my legs – I could tell immediately that the waters had broken along with baby poo in, from my ante natal classes, I knew this was not good news. Then I threw up everywhere. At that precise moment my other half turned up to find me in shock, gibbering, making no sense, covered in sick, waters and poo. I had looked better! He immediately called the hospital and we were taken in sharpish and an emergency C-section was performed, the babies heart rate was so high the doctor felt that it would not survive the birth.
Dressed in my scrubs, I was given a spinal block while having contractions still, the gas and water wasn’t even touching the sides, I was in utter agony I can’t describe it. I had to answer questions too from the staff in the delivery room while all this was going on, I could’ve strangled someone.
The spinal block worked its magic and the c-section was performed – our little munchkin was born at 4.30pm on June 19, and she weighed in at 5lb, 4 ounces only. This was when I was told I had an infection in the uterus (they could see it and smell it once I had been opened up) and had to go on antibiotics via a drip. We took our daughter back to the maternity unit and tried to get her to feed, she was so weak that she couldn’t latch on, blood tests too revealed that her infection levels were high and she had countless tests & scans – also put on antibiotics – when I saw the small cannula in her hand it broke my heart. She was tube fed her milk and we had to stay in hospital for 7 days, for most of it she was in the safer care unit, with other small, ill babies. I just couldn’t believe this could have happened to us, on top of everything else e had endured over the years to get here. Why couldn’t we just take our baby home with us and be a family.
My other half had to leave hospital in the evenings and I was alone, the c-section wasn’t so bad really in terms of pain – I was put on a strong painkillers and could get around quite well, although I was very bloated, I also had a catheter fitted for a couple of days. Having the private room in the hospital was the best decision we could’ve made, as private conversations were indeed private and not shared with 4 others in a ward! Having a bathroom and shower to myself was great too, it was worth the big bill at the end of the stay.
I can’t praise the staff of the safer care unit or maternity ward more – they were absolutely fabulous, and they managed to clear both our infections and teach me and my other had all the tricks of the trade in terms of how to look after a baby! How to put on nappies, wind and feed the baby – it was like an idiots guide to looking after a baby,
We have our little miracle now, she survived it against the odds, a miscarriage and infection, and she is laying next to me now screaming for her bottle. She is gaining weight too, now 8lbs, 3 ounces at 6 weeks old and everyone adores her. But not as much as I do, I love her so much my heart could burst, I want to give her everything in life she wants, she is such a special little girl.
I can’t thank my friends enough that I have made on Twitter – all of whom are at different stages of their journeys, the support and advice I have been given has been invaluable. When the community pulls together, it really is incredible, Faceless contacts that are your life line, just a short ’It will be OK’ can make all the difference when facing difficult times, that someone took the effort to send you a kind message. It meant the world to me, this is why I stay active in the community, to support as much as I can. I am so grateful to them all.
Again I will finish on sending my good luck and best wishes to all on this journey, by no means is it easy, but as someone said to me once, nothing worth having in life is easy.
