JP’s Story: Part 1. Trying to conceive
Thank you to JP for sharing her story with me and for allowing me to share it with you.
March 2014
March 2014
We have not told anyone – I have hardly dared admit it to myself – but we are trying to conceive.
Technically, we have been trying for a while now. We haven’t used contraception since the boy was six months old. But, for whatever reason, it has not happened.
There are obvious contributing factors; medication, back pain (his), stress (mine) and physically being apart for 12 months.
Do I need another?
Sometimes, I think I do.
Sometimes, I think need is precisely the right word.
Sometimes I feel guilty and think that a third might be pushing my luck a little.
Sometimes I feel like why the hell should I not have a third, and a fourth?
And then it doesn’t happen, again and again.
Nothing happens.
And the more I want it to happen, the further away it feels.
To be honest, right now, I cannot imagine ever being pregnant again.
I have forgotten how it feels. I have forgotten the peace and happiness of knowing something you want so badly is on its way.
In this moment, I do not think it will happen again.
To be blessed twice is more of a miracle than I ever could have asked for.
To be blessed once more… Well, what are the chances?
I hope it happens.
But I do not think it will.
I hope I am wrong.
JP’s next post will be published on this blog on 09th June 2014.
