Can parents ever be friends with their children?

Before I had children I often dreamt of the times I’d spend together with my offspring.

Every day would be filled with fun and laughter.

I wouldn’t be one of those mums who shouted at her children. Instead I’d use a stern voice, stay in control and I’d talk to my children about their behavior.

Of course in reality this isn’t always feasible, or is it?

Someone that I know has a daughter who’s around the same age as my girls. (Don’t worry school mums, it’s none of you!) This person has never shouted at their daughter. Not, even, once! I kid you not!

Their daughter, as lovely as she is, is just so used to getting her own way. I wonder how this lack of discipline will impact her future. How will she take instructions when she gets a job? How will she react if someone disagrees with her?

I mean I’m all for taking a gentle approach, but in giving no discipline at all? Nope. I just don’t get it.

A few years ago this persons daughter snatched something from one of my girls. Now, most mums would step in, apologise, tell their child that what they did was wrong and ask them to return the snatched item to the child they’d taken it from.

Not this parent.

They just laughed it off and allowed their daughter to continue playing with said item, even though my daughter was clearly upset by what had just happened.

I wonder if this is how bullies are created?

Anyway…

I understand parents not wanting to shout at their children, but there must be some form of approach that’s acceptable to them, in order for them to teach their children right from wrong. To let them know that their actions were wrong.

Someone once told me that this little girl was told off at a party and the girl bawled her eyes out because she’s just not used to being told off.

Is that healthy?

In a way it sounds cruel. Almost as though our kids should be used to a telling off, but that’s not what I mean. There are lots of ways that parents can discipline their children without shouting.

I get that this parent wants to be best friends with their kids. I mean I want to be best friends with my kids too, but there has to be an element of mum or dad being in charge too.

I remember reading an article a few years ago in the Daily Mail called, ‘Beware the BFF mothers: Headteacher warns that mollycoddling mums who are best friends with their daughters could make them LESS able to cope with adult life.’

When I read this the first thing I thought was that it was a load of rubbish, and I still think that.

The head teacher said, “Girls brought up by mums insisting on being their ‘best friend forever’ (BFF) will find it harder to grow up and are more likely to drop out of uni, develop eating disorders and fail to hold down a job.”

I find this pretty hard to swallow!

So by being close with your mum, having a good relationship with your daughter, this means my kids could develop an eating disorder?

I don’t get it.

The way I see it, is that by being close with our children, we can give them the power to trust us and to feel comfortable in approaching us about any concerns they have. A good bond can not only make our children feel confident, secure and loved, but I firmly believe it can give our children a good start to life.

I myself have witnessed what a good parent-child bond can be like. My husband is such a wonderful dad to his three children by his ex, and of course our twins. They’re all very close and growing up, his daughters especially would have conversations with him, that I would never had even considered having with my own parents purely because I would have been far too embarrassed.

So, in answer to the question, can parents ever be friends with their children? I think the answer is yes, but there needs to be boundaries and an element of discipline. I’m not talking about shouting, but parents must have the ability to set their children on the right track and teach them right from wrong.

What do you think? I’d love to hear your thoughts.