AD| Fostering when you already have a child

Fostering is one of the most rewarding things someone can do, but it can come with some challenges too. Many people think that people who foster are those who don’t have children of their own. However, this isn’t always true.

Why foster?

There are many different reasons why people make the decision to open up their home and foster a child. Some people come into fostering because their own children have moved out and their home simply feels empty without the joy and fun a child brings. Other people foster because they just want to help a child have a safe and secure home. For some, it could be because they still feel they have lots to give a child or young person. That could be, supported by their other children, offering a child or young person a positive experience of family life. Whatever your reasons, fostering can be a highly rewarding endeavour. 

Fostering when you already have a child

Making the decision to foster when you already have a child is something that needs careful consideration. For your own children, whilst it can present a number of benefits there are also potential challenges which they made need additional support with in order to help them make sense of things. 

A friend of mine, who I’ll refer to as ‘Ann’ has recently started fostering. She has one child of her own and always thought that she’d have lots of children. Ann grew up as one of three siblings. In addition, her mum was a childminder so the house was always full. Ann felt that there was much more that she wanted to give so she looked into fostering. 

For a long time it was just Ann and her child. Introducing another child into their family changed that dynamic but Ann says her child takes it all in his stride and Ann makes sure she has lots of quality time with each of them. 

“As much as my child longed for a brother or sister, when the baby arrived in our care it was a very busy hands-on experience. I always wanted to make sure that I could make time for everyone when I could. We also have some added support from another foster carer which helps me keep on top of everything”

The fostering process

With a background in nursing, Ann started to look into fostering. There were some obstacles to overcome. The whole application process for Ann took six to eight months. This can vary a great deal depending on where you live and your personal circumstances. 

Ann says it’s a very in-depth process with lots of discussion about your life experiences. For example, Ann worked abroad over 20 years ago and her previous employers were contacted for references.

Another part of the process, which may come as a surprise to some, is that Ann’s ex-partners were contacted also during this process. 

Part of the fostering process also meant that they had to talk regularly with Ann’s child. This was to make sure her son understood the implications of having another child coming to live with them.

Ann’s experience

Ann says: “You have a social worker who comes out and does your assessment which includes home visits and completing references from people who know you well. They set you homework to make sure that you have thought about different scenarios. It’s an in-depth process that leaves no stone unturned. You need to declare absolutely everything.

I wasn’t sure that we would get anywhere and then all of a sudden the references were back, the forms are all filled in and you’re invited to a panel date. That panel consists of about 6 different people who ask you questions. I was so, so nervous because everything I longed for was hanging in the balance. 

Not always plain sailing

Due to lack of staff and Covid restrictions, several children were referred as being a possible match with me and my son however they did not progress. But then everything just fell into place. Then, all of a sudden, I got a phone call to say there was a poorly, premature baby in the special care unit and would I like to go and meet him. I went to see him and fell in love with him instantly. 

Another two weeks passed by of spending time in hospital and getting to know the baby. 

Fostering is not about the money, but you do have to think about how you finance all of your life and things. Then our first baby was placed with us. Everything my child and I do is as a team. I wouldn’t be able to do it without them.”

Fostering

As mentioned earlier, Ann is nurse trained so it means that she is blessed to be able to foster the most medically challenging children. Ann says: “There are times where it is really challenging d, but the support is out there which I am really grateful for. The rewards also make those challenges worthwhile”

Ann says: “It’s been the most wonderful, but the most challenging thing ever. It’s nerve-wracking and you have times where you ask yourself if you can do it but then within a couple of days, it’s like they’ve always been with you.”

Care Visions Fostering is a great resource so start looking into fostering.