A mum is a precious thing
What a statement.
Yes, indeed she is, but she’s also strong, intelligent and fearless. She’s brave, independent and almost like a warrior when it comes to protecting her children.
A mum is also a worrier and can be dependent on others, as well as experience feelings of loneliness.
Mums come in various shapes with different personalities, traits, beliefs and morals.
What works for one, will not necessarily work for another.
One friend of mine believes in letting their children ‘cry it out’, whereas another friend of mine panders to her child’s every need. Which one is right?
Well, they both are and that’s because they’re both doing what they feel is best for their child. Both of their children are strong minded, healthy and happy. It just so happens that the way in which they’re brought up is so very different to one another, yet they’re both pretty grounded kids with a good outlook on life.
I like to think that I fit somewhere in the middle of this. I try not to shout at my kids, but it’s inevitable at times. Usually when I’m tired, it’s late in the day, and I’ve been listening to them arguing for a while!
I’ve never let them cry it out, as I don’t like it, but I will go in and reassure them, stop them from crying and leave the room again.
When I started writing this post, I had no idea what direction it would take. To be honest I still don’t. Bear with me and we’ll see where this goes!
I lost my mum when I was 18, and yes, I’ve written about this numerous times on my blog, and I’ll probably continue to do so.
18 is a pretty young age to be left without a mother. I only had 18 years with her, and most of those 18 years I was just a child. I didn’t have much understanding of the world, of parental relationships, and like most 18 year olds I took my mum for granted. Something I bitterly regret now.
In some ways it seems like the more time that passes, the more years that fly by, the less I feel like I know about my mum. It’s a pretty sad feeling.
I don’t feel like I knew her very well at all, and that leaves me feeling incredibly upset at times, sad and quite unhappy.
I’m quite a thoughtful character. I reflect on the past a lot and am a bit of a worrier. All of this just adds to my sense of confusion and feeling of being lost at times.
Of course I know some things about my mum, but it seems I’ve forgotten a lot. I can’t remember what her laugh sounds like, or her voice.
I remember what she looks like, but I wish ever so much that she was still here.
I won’t go down the route of my dad, as that’s fairly complicated, but I feel sad that I’m 29 years old and have no parent/daughter relationship. I don’t know what that’s like. I don’t know what it should be like. What should your relationship be like with your parents when you’re an adult?
A colleague of mine, whom I haven’t worked with for a while, appears to have an amazing relationship with her mum. I’ll be honest, I’m envious. Envious of the relationship they share, but also hopeful that my relationship with my own children will like this when they’re adults.
I do wonder what my own relationship will be like with my daughters when they’re older. I’m pretty confident it’ll be a great relationship , as I think I’ll learn from my own experiences.
I just don’t understand how you can’t not want a relationship with your own children and grandchildren? How does that work? Why did you have kids if you’re not going to bother with them when they become adults?
What do know though, is that I’ll always be there for my children. I may not approve of every decision they make or every path they go down, but I do know that they need to learn from their mistakes and that I’ll always be there for them.
10 Comments
Sarah Howe
September 16, 2016 at 9:40 am
I feel sometimes a similar way about my Dad how you feel about your Mum. Sometimes that feeling of not knowing him fully. It’s sad. I think despite the fact you don’t have those relationships now, which must be very strange it will make you no less of a brilliant Mum. The fact that you care enough to even write this post shows the love for your girls. As Mum’s we are all difference but that love is really one of the only things that matter. Thanks for hosting xx
OddHogg
September 16, 2016 at 1:26 pm
18 years is not enough – I’m so sorry you lost your mum. My mum is nosey, over bearing, intrusive and bossy. But she is like that because she wants what is best for me and for my Piglet, and I love her for it #binkylinky
Cheryl @ ReimerandRuby
September 16, 2016 at 2:45 pm
What a lovely and emotional post! Although both my parents are still alive but they live miles away from me and I miss them. I miss the bonding me and mum shared together whilst I was back home. Hopefully, my kids will have the same bond as I do and my mum when they grow old. #binkylinky
five little doves
September 16, 2016 at 8:09 pm
Oh lovely, I always feel for you when you talk about your mum, the sense of loss must be unbearable at times, more so as a mother now yourself. I have been very lucky to have two wonderful parents who are nothing but supportive and involved in our lives, I appreciate just how lucky I am though as many of my friends have difficult relationships with their parents too. #binkylinky
Kerry
September 16, 2016 at 8:59 pm
Sorry to hear that you lost your mum, especially at such a difficult age. I’m sure that the love she instilled in you for those years you are passing onto your girls x #binkylinky
Helen Gandy
September 17, 2016 at 11:40 am
I love that this post was just written from the heart. My best friend has recently lost her Mum and it’s really brought it home to me just how easily a loved one can be taken away from you. I really try to make the most of all the time I have with my parents as you never know what is round the corner. Thanks for hosting #binkylinky
Kerry Norris
September 17, 2016 at 1:12 pm
Fantatsic post Emily. I can’t imagine what it’s been like for you with your parents but you’re a great mum. My mum emigrated to Australia so I feel without a mum a lot. X
Jade – Raw Childhood
September 17, 2016 at 11:26 pm
I won’t get into it but me and my mum do not get on.. To be blunt i haven’t spoken to her in 7 years and she has never seen my boys.. that is the way it will stay. On the other hand i love my dad to pieces and always see him and he always sees my boys as does my step-mum. I don’t like to look at what could have been because i want to look to the future because my past makes me sad. I do like this post because it comes from the heart.. You’re doing a great job #binkylinky
David Mellor
September 19, 2016 at 6:23 am
I grew up in a single parent household and only met my dad for the first time when I was 15 – by accident playing cricket! That still remains the only time I have ever seen or spoken to him. I’ve never mourned that loss though because unlike you I didn’t know what I was missing in the first place. It’s a tough one. Families hey!
Potty Adventures
#binkylinky
Dave – Dad’s Turn
September 20, 2016 at 9:21 pm
It’s really sad to lose your mum when so young. All the sad things as well as the happy ones make us who we are though, and from what I read, your a great mum to your kids. Here’s to being great.
#BinkyLinky