Today is World Cancer Day

Today is World Cancer Day. It’s a global uniting initiative led by the Union for International Cancer Control (UICC).

My Story

2020 is a tough year for me. It marks the 15 year anniversary of mums death from ovarian cancer. She was just 50 years old when she passed away. My sister and I were 18 years old.

The impact of her death is a strange one. Strange in that the impact has changed in many different ways over the years.

I remember some of the day she died clearly. My sister and I were called into the hospital by our dad. We were at home when we got the call. My dad was by my mums side 24/7. Only returning home to get clean clothes etc.

My sister and I drove to the hospital and I remember walking down the corridor in silence, not knowing what to expect. Aside from dad calling up to come in, it was a day like any other. We went to the hospital every day, but this time something felt different.

The hospital was quiet. I don’t think we passed another person on the way there. As we neared the room where mum was, we walked around the desk – no one was there either, and we entered the room.

It was empty. Mum wasn’t there. Dad wasn’t there. The machines were sitting in silence as if paying their respects.

I could feel my heart beating faster in my chest as my sister and I turned back out into the corridor. As we passed by the relatives waiting room, we caught sight of my dad. Someone called us into the room, I can’t remember who or the words they used, and it was then that we were told that mum had passed away.

I can’t remember who told us. Perhaps it was my dad, a nurse or a doctor. What I do remember was sitting in the chair in a room full of people feeling like I was the only one in the room.

There was no sound, no one else, just me. I didn’t cry. I just sat there trying to process the news I’d just heard.

Without warning I was back in the room and could hear the sobs of my family. I felt bad for not crying. So bad that I tried with all my might to cry, but it just didn’t happen.

I remember walking silently out of the hospital and back to the car. The next few days were a blur and I struggled to understand why I didn’t cry. Now that I’m older, I think I know why.

It wasn’t because I wasn’t sad. It was because I was prepared for mums death. For months she’d been unwell. Getting frailer and weaker by the day. We’d sit and talk to mum and sometimes she’d know who we were and that we were there with her, but other times we could have been anyone.

I didn’t cry because I knew her death was inevitable. Unlike someone taken suddenly, without warning, I’d had time to come to terms with the fact that mum was dying and that one day she’d no longer be with us.

I was overcome with grief and over time that grief has stayed with me. Like a dark shadow lurking behind me all the time. It never goes away, but sometimes when the sun is shining it’s there for all to see. Other times, when it’s cloudy and grey, you can’t see it, but it’s very much still there.

Dealing with Grief

Certain times in my life make me think of mum more than others. My wedding day, the day my children were born, when I see other women with their mums and their grandchildren hand in hand, when I see an elderly couple walking together or when I see a friend of my mums out walking. I become bitter. Why do they get to walk around at 65 years of age, fit as a fiddle, enjoying life, when mum had that taken away from her.

Why do other women have the privilege of their mums being in their children’s lives as a grandmother when I don’t have that privilege?

It seems very unfair and it’s so easy to be bitter about it, but I can’t allow myself to think like that.

Instead I focus on keeping her memory alive by showing my own children photos of my mum and by talking about her.

What can you do to help?

World Cancer Day aims to raise awareness, improve education and catalyse personal, collective and government action by working together to re-imagine a world where millions of preventable cancer deaths are saved and access to life-saving cancer treatment and care is equal for all – no matter who you are or where you live. 

Each year, hundreds of activities and events take place around the world, gathering communities, organisations and individuals in schools, businesses, hospitals, marketplaces, parks, community halls, places of worship – in the streets and online – acting as a powerful reminder that we all have a role to play in reducing the global impact of cancer.

This year’s World Cancer Day’s theme, ‘I Am and I Will’, is all about you and your commitment to act. The founders of World Cancer Day believe that through positive actions, together we can reach the target of reducing the number of premature deaths from cancer and noncommunicable diseases by one third by 2030.

Join us on 4 February and speak out and stand up for a cancer-free world.

Our time to act is now. For more information about what you can to help, please visit the World Cancer Day website here.