A little over six years ago my husband and I welcomed our twin girls into the world. After going through IVF we were very lucky that we had nine embryos successfully fertilised. Two of those were placed back into me and resulted in our twins, the other seven were frozen for possible future use.
I’ve written previously about the struggle my husband and I face every year when we receive a letter through the door from the clinic asking us if we’d like to renew, donate or let our embryos perish. For the last six years we’ve chosen to renew them as neither of us could say for certain that we didn’t want more children.
I’ve always felt an emotional connection to those seven embryos. After all they’re 100% ours. The thought of letting them perish sounds awful, but also the thought of donating them to another couple is one that my husband and I struggle with. Whilst I love the idea of being able to help another couple become parents, the thought of a child, or multiple children, that are 100% biologically ours being raised by complete strangers is one that I couldn’t live with. I’d always wonder what they’re like, do they look R and M, do they resemble their daddy or me, are their personalities like ours? I think mentally if we made this decision it would really mess with our minds and we’d struggle emotionally and mentally to cope. Not to mention the fact that one day they may want to find out about us or even meet us, and I’m not sure that’s something we could deal with.
I’m not sure why, but this year, my husband and I both feel that we definitely don’t want anymore children. As such, we’ve made the difficult decision to let our seven embryos perish.
It’s not a decision we’ve made lightly, and I do feel quite emotional about it, especially if I think about it too much. I mean, at the end of the day, that’s seven potential lives, seven potential children, our children, that we’re letting perish, but we both know that deep down, we don’t want anymore children.
So without further ado it’s time to say goodbye to them.